7 October 2006 XXIX

Khamsin Molossia News

His Excellency, The President has issued two new edicts in response to recent events. The first deals with a recent snub from FHM Magazine. As the reader will recall, FHM did an interview with the President in August as a part of the promotional campaign for the Lonely Planet Guide to Micronations. This interview was supposed to have run in the November issue of FHM, which is now on the shelves. Instead, it turns out that the article has been bumped to the March issue, and was replaced by an article on "Men Who Catch Big Fish With Their Hands". A micronation article bumped for an article on catfish noodling? We think it's appalling, and the President agrees. He has therefore responded to this snub by banning catfish in Molossia, and banning men who catch catfish with their hands as well. "We'll have none of this nonsense, catfish instead Molossia. It just won't do! Henceforth, no catfish or catfish catchers in Molossia, ever!" Of course, there are already no catfish in our country, nor even any bodies of water that might support catfish. But just in case there might be a chance, we are now safe from catfish-ness, thanks to the authority of His Excellency, The President.

His Excellency has also banned bagged spinach in Molossia, due to the recent E.Coli outbreak in the United States. E.Coli has killed at least three people in that country and has sickened at least 190 other people, from tainted spinach. The President has banned bagged spinach, stating, "A country as rich as the United States, they should be able to have safe vegetables, for Pete's sake. If we grew vegetables here in Molossia, this sort of thing wouldn't happen, and we're a third-world country! Maybe we'll get our vegetables from Canada from now on, they'll be safer, and probably cheaper." Of course, no one in Molossia actually eats spinach, so this ban will be an easy one to enforce. The President has not banned canned spinach (which we also don't eat) in deference to the popular influence of Popeye. "You don't see him eating that bagged stuff!" stated His Excellency, The President.

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