In a stunning attack during the evening of 22 August 2015 XXXVIII an assassination attempt was perpetrated upon our beloved President. While out shopping in the U.S. with the First Family, His Excellency was gouged by a booby trapped bottle of grape jelly. The bottle had clearly been tampered with; upon investigation a large hole was discovered in the lid, the sharp edges of which sliced into Our President's finger. Further investigation showed that the bottle had been deliberately infected with mold, in an obvious effort to poison His Excellency. It was only through the lightning reflexes of Our Leader that he narrowly avoided greater harm. At this time an investigation is ongoing as to the would-be assassins, but of course East German agents are suspected.
