21 September 2008 XXXI
Khamsin Molossia News

Molossia, it would seem, is at war with East Germany. That's right, for nearly 25 years, our little nation has at been at war with the now-defunct East Bloc stalwart, home to Trabis, the Stasi and the Berlin Wall. Recently, the Molossian Ministry of Archives and Records, Spare Room Closet Division, was examining old files, mostly dating to the early days of Molossia, then known as the Grand Republic of Vuldstein. Mixed in with castle plans, island maps and other musings was a folded piece of paper, which, when opened, proved to be a declaration of war against East Germany. This document dates to 2 November 1983 VII, a period when our current President, then still Prime Minister of Vuldstein, was stationed with the United States Army in (West) Germany. The reasons for this war declaration are obscure, although a reference is made in the document to "disrupting sleep". It is known that the US Army in Europe was conducting a military training exercise in Europe at around the same time, thus there is perhaps a connection, as those exercises were aimed at preventing an incursion by Soviet Forces, largely by way of East Germany. What is also apparent is that the war was never formally ended.

It would seem, however, that the end of East Germany, which took place on 3 October 1990, would also mark the end of the Molossian war with that nation. No enemy, no war, correct? However, East Germany lives on in an unlikely place, and thus the war lives on as well. The last remaining remnant of East German sovereignty is tiny Ernst Thälmann Island (Cayo Ernesto Thaelmann), off the coast of Cuba. The island is 15 Imperial Nortons (15 km long), but not more than 312 Royal Nortons (500 meters) wide and is uninhabited except for the iguanas and birds that are indigenous there, and the occasional tourists stopping by. During a state visit to East Germany in June 1972 Fidel Castro made the island, then called Cayo Blanco del Sur, a gift to East Germany. The island was renamed in honor of German Communist politician Ernst Thälmann, who was the leader of the Communist Party of Germany (KPD) during much of the Weimar Republic and was later imprisoned and murdered during the Nazi regime. In August 1972, the East German ambassador to Cuba erected a bust of Ernst Thälmann on communist Germany’s one and only foothold in the tropics. The island wasn’t mentioned in the treaty unifying both Germanys, which makes it arguably the last remaining piece of East German territory.

Thus, East Germany lives on on Ernst Thälmann Island. As the island is uninhabited, there is no one with whom to negotiate a peace treaty. Thus the war lives on as well, now approaching its 25th year, and with no end in sight. In response to this, the Government of the Republic of Molossia has re-opened the War Department, closed since the successful prosecution of the War with Mustachistan. In addition, War Bonds are again being issued, to help finance our potentially never-ending war effort. It is hoped that someday this conflict will be brought to a successful and hopefully peaceful conclusion. In the meantime, our nation must be ever vigilant against the East German threat!

Visit the Molossian War Department's webpage here.

Buy War Bonds - help end the war!

The Declaration of War

East German Flag

Ernst Thälmann Island

East German Iguana

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